Reminiscing is so much fun as long as you aren’t one of those losers who lives in the past. For that reason, when things of the past are brought up (even the asshole who once treated you like sh*t – this is funny now!) the laughter and excitement that comes with it is priceless.
I would like to take a trip down memory lane and share with you some things that were TOTALLY COOL, in the past. Ya know, in the days when “cool” was still a thing, because you were forced to hang out with the same people who somehow had the fake power to determine what was cool and what was not. Nowadays. there really is no such thing as “cool,” because you get to hang out with the people you actually want to.
Who am I kidding. There is still a thing as cool. And it’s in my corner.
Anyway, let’s start discussing. Chances are, if you had these items back in the day, you will probably get as equally as excited about this as I am writing it. I am going to jump around to different age ranges – but you’ll deal with it.
In fact, there are so many things I want to throw on this list. But we shall do it in parts. Part 1 will be materialistic belongings that do not include games. Games…TV Shows…etc…will be saved for another day.
Here goes it!
1) THIS EXACT New Kids On The Block sleeping bag. Not sure if they made another one, but if they did and you had it – that’s weird.
2) These plastic circle shirt pull through contraptions – remember how much it SUCKED when your shirt wasn’t long enough to tie in a knot? THE STRESS! Well, these solved that very serious problem.
3) PUPPY SURPRISE! “surprise surprise puppy surprise how many puppies are there inside!!” The PREGGERS puppies – with the velcro stomach where baby puppies came out of. It was a surprise how many puppies they would have! Which, if the answer was 1 or 2 puppies only, resulted in me having a serious effing hissy fit and demanding a return and repurchase. Thanks Mom & Dad!
4) Tamagotchi. I mean, this was the first early sign of my addictive personality. Try to tear that key chain away from me and you might lose your effing head. I NEED TO CLEAN UP ROBOT POOP AND MY TAMAGOTCHI NEEDS TO BE FED OR HE MIGHT DIE!!!!!!!!! Shoot, hold the phone, he just shit again.
5) Slap Bracelets. Simply cool because they were fun. But then they got banned from school because some ignoramouses (yes that is a word in my personal dictionary) hurt themselves while slapping. Thanks for ruining this experience for all of us.
6) Beanie Babies. I can’t even tell you how many of these I had. I could star in an entire episode of Hoarders based on my collection alone. In addition, I had a white Seal with a misplaced name tag (ie the Seal’s name was supposed to be “Seamore” but it read “Batty”) and I was convinced it was worth ONE MILLION dollars. In addition to the Princess Di Bear, any every other “limited edition” beanie baby…come to think of it, I believe EVERY beanie baby started to read “limited edition” — thus making them “must haves.” Jokes on us. Good one TY.
7) POGS. Cardboard circles with designs and characters on them that were originally supposed to be a game, however, if you were a girl, they served no significance but to show off your collection. THE MORE THE BETTER. In fact, they became just so unmanageable that plastic cylindrical cases were necessary. From there, those pogs never saw the light of day. But they didn’t need to! Knowing and showing off that the cases were filled was enough to brag and say “I have more than you.” Suck it.
8) LISA FRANK EVERYTHING. From folders, to trapper keepers, to markers to stickers. One time I wrote “I ❤ Zach” in red marker on the inside of my Lisa Frank folder. Zack sat next to me in class. When I took my papers out, Zach saw this. I never forgot it. Speaking of, Urban is trying to bring back Lisa Frank. I may just have to buy it.
9) Speaking of stickers, sticker collections were VERY SERIOUS. I had my stickers in a laminate book. Sandy Lion stickers were my favorite. If you didn’t have Sandy Lion stickers in your collection then A) You were NEVER going to do business with me (I ran a tight sticker trading ship) and B) your collection was NOT good or valuable, and in turn, you were not cool.
10) The Laser background in every and all school pictures.
11) Polly. Effing. Pocket. Nothing says “cool” more than a portable mini doll playland. And I don’t care what you say, the free ones that came in your McDonald’s happy meals were NOT the same. Grow up.
Sidenote: This was something I did NOT share.
12) Scrunchies. No explanation needed.
13) The Bumble Ball. This shit kept my baby sister (and dogs) entertained for HOURS! Set it and forget it!
14) Keds. With Sparkle and Design. Is Stride Rite still a thing? Because going to Stride Rite was like better than 8 nights of Hannukah.
15) Best Friend Necklaces. Not sure why a broken heart resembled a BEST friendship, but whatevs, it soooooooooo did! Also, definitely only friends with maybe 1 of the 8 “other half best friend” recipients to this day. But hey, that says a lot. Hi Sam!
16) LOONEY TUNES CLOTHING. I had Keds with the Tasmanian Devil on them. I had shirts and leggings with patchwork. But most importantly, I had this jean jacket, and my Mom AND Dad each had this leather one. Pretty sure their leather jacket cost around $400. So worth it. NOTHING WAS COOLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get excited even just typing about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17) Writing on your backpack with Whiteout. You know the new monogrammed L.L. Bean backpack Mom just bought you? Well, ruined in negative 30 seconds by whiteout graffiti. Best friends’ initials, doodles, and designs. Maybe some paw prints and a 143 thrown in there for some girly flair.
18) Paris Blues. When Mudd became soooooo ’96.
19) Kate Spade Mini Backpacks. I mean, most shocking news of today? That Kate Spade is still around, and has great bags, shoes, & accessories (not a fan of the clothes). I mean HOW UGLY ARE THESE BACKPACKS?! Either way, back then, they were totally cool and a status symbol. Or, a status symbol that your parents had money. OR, THAT I BABYSAT EVERY SATURDAY AND SUNDAY FOR 6 MONTHS TO SAVE FOR THIS SHIT. I always worked hard for my money, haters. Anyways the words mini and backpack should never ever go together in a sentence for the rest of time.
And after the backpack, you probably graduated to this:
And finally, to this, but not for any diaper purposes:
20) The Tiffany’s Tag bracelet. Now that I brought up the Kate Spade backpack, I HAVE to mention the Tiffany’s bracelet, or where I come from, the “jap tag.” I also had the matching toggle necklace! Man this shit is ugly. And if you still are wearing this bracelet today, in 2013, 1) HAHAHAHAH 2) Throw it out.
That concludes part 1!
Were you cool?
Do you agree, disagree? What did I miss?