Every year, the hottest celebs (with a few randos thrown in there) pull out all of the fashion stops for the Met Gala. I don’t need to explain what it is, because frankly I am not sure what goes on inside, and I’m pretty sure I’ll never know. But we can assume, there are a few speeches, alcohol, and a lot of coke blowing in the bathrooms.
Needless to say, we aren’t part of the fun, so let’s just focus on what’s important anyway. The red carpet.
Each year there is a theme, which you must base your fashion choice off of. Since some of you may be stupid, here are some past examples of Met Gala themes:
2008: Superheroes: Fashion & Fantasy
2009: Model as Muse: Embodying Fashion
2010: American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity
2011: Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty
2012: Schiaparelli and Prada: Impossible Conversations
Which brings us to this year’s theme:
2013: PUNK: Chaos to Couture
Now, when I judge the looks, I base it off of how well their dresses translated to the theme. This has to be so difficult to pull off, while still looking amazing – which is why my top picks should receive extra brownie points and thank whatever poor human being sat there hand making their dress. So, without further ado, here are my favorite/least favorite looks of the evening, separated by appropriate categories and RANKED starting with my top pick.
BEST DRESSED OF THE NIGHT: PUNK, FROM CHAOS TO COUTURE:
1) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Gucci
Just absolutely perfect from head to toe.
Most beautiful woman in the world.
2) Rooney Mara in Givenchy Couture (Riccardo Tisci)
Granted this isn’t much of a stretch for the normally punky Rooney, but she absolutely killed it. The lips were a perfect “cherry on top” for the finish. She’s so murderer-chic.
The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo does Punk. Picture that!
3) Cara Delevingne in Burberry
Not sure who the hell she is, but this bitch nailed it! Spikes, makeup, jewelry, plunging neckline…Shes also super friggin hot and I feel extremely depressed that I don’t look like her.
She’s just eye fucking anyone and everyone in sight.
4) Anne Hathaway in Vintage Valentino (1992)
YES, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT. “I don’t caaaaaaare, I love it!” I am assuming she went blonde SPECIFICALLY for this occasion (she WOULD), but it doesn’t even matter. Anne/Annie looks ridiculous in this dress. Anyone who has seen “Love and Other Drugs” knows that this ahole of a woman has the best boobs in the biz. This dress flaunts her side boob in a serious but tasteful way, her body looks insane, and her make up is flawless. DID I MENTION THIS EVENT DID NOT REQUIRE HER TO TALK? PLUS 10.
She looks amaze, so sue me.
5) Kate Bosworth in Balmain
The dress says it all, the hair, not so much — but who needs more when you are wearing a Balmain mini?
You bet your ass if I were to attend a “punk” themed met gala, I’d be in Balmain.
6) Sienna Miller in Burberry
She’s baaaaaaaaaack! The hot Sienna we all know and love (I was afraid she let herself go there for a few years). While the white gown underneath is on the more simple side, the fact that she mix and matched elegant with punky gave me some tingles. Her hair, her jewelry AND THAT JACKET! Siiiiiiiiigh. THAT JACKET.
so.effortlessly.stunning.
7) Christina Ricci in Vivienne Westwood Couture
This girl took a risk, and personally I think it paid off. The dress totally fits the theme and she pulls it off. Aside from when I wanted to slice her eyeballs out in a fit of jealous rage when she hooked up with Devon Sawa in “Casper,” I have had a thing for Christina Ricci FOR YEARS. I am absolutely convinced she’s one of the coolest chicks to walk this earth.
Wednesday Adams, looooookin’ good.
8) Miley Cyrus in Marc Jacobs
This is the one time I will say I love Miley’s hair. Other than that, it needs to effing go. Don’t you just hate it when cute people electively make themselves look worse? Wait, I take that back…I love it.
Anyways, people were bitching that this dress looked a lot like Kate Moss’ Marc Jacobs dress back in the day. But, I think it was completely different. Miley sparkled and oozed confidence, and for that, she’s on this list.
Cockatoo me, baby.
Totally diff to me.
9) Jessica Biel in Giambattista Vallie Couture
Aside from her fake nose ring she sported, the dress is so fashion forward and could be translated as “punk” any day of the week. Clearly the showstopping factor here is the caged look of the pants under the dress.
You are probably going home to have sex with JT later. Life isn’t fair.
10) Allison Williams in Altuzarra
For a girl who is just breaking into the “scene,” I am SO HAPPY she went a little nutso with her dress choice. This is different, the sheer inserts are sexy, and I love that it has a gothic punk vibe. Love it or hate it, this girl is on the up and up especially with this dress choices.
Do you think Brian Williams watched that scene where she fingered herself in the bathroom? I’ve wondered this for over a year.
Up and comer!
HONORABLE MENTIONS: YOU DANCED ON THE LINE OF MY BEST DRESSED, BUT JUUUUUST MISSED IT.
Minka Kelly in Carolina Herrera
Too pretty to leave off this list. Dress is gorgeous, but more Victorian than punky.
Jamie King in Topshop
She is just the cutest. And probably one of the few people who can pull off a lady suit without looking like a lesbo.
Looks amazing, but not punky enough for me.
Nina Dobrev in Monique Lhuillier
Tell Boone I say hi!
Emmy Rossum in Donna Karan Atelier
Hair and makeup detail fierce.
Kristen Stewart in Stella McCartney
I really do dig K Stew’s style on a consistent basis.
Jennifer Lopez in Michael Kors
Just J.Lo being J.Lo.
Stacy Keibler in Rachel Roy
I think I need to hire Brad Goreski. He’s been so on point with Stacy.
AND…………KHALEESI in Ralph Lauren
Dragons all day.
WORST DRESSED OF THE NIGHT: PUNK, FROM CHAOS TO COUTURE:
AT LEAST YOU TRIED!
1) Katy Perry in Dolce & Gabbana
This dress is so gross to me, and I cannot understand why this girl tries SO hard to be weird and constantly makes herself look ugly? UGHHHHH.
You belong in the Louvre.
2) Ginnifer Goodwin in Tory Burch
Her make up literally gives her a modern-day unibrow and the dress does negatron things for her figure. Scary. Fail.
I want my mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- 3) Elle Fanning in Rodarte
- Bahahahah. No.
-
You’re young, but I am NOT using that as an excuse for you anymore.
4) Beyonce in Givenchy Haute Couture by Riccardo Tisci
I love you Bey, but this was not flattering 😦
I hope I do not get murdered for putting Bey on this list.
5) Kim Kardashian in Givenchy by Ricardo Tisci
While she looked like my grandmother’s couch, I honestly don’t think she was THE worst. But, yeah, it was pretty awful. The camoflauged hand/glove thing was a cool idea, but not in this print. ALSO – THE ONE TIME YOU DECIDE NOT TO WEAR BLACK? Go figure. She does all of this on purpose, to create a buzz, I am 100% sure of it.
Fun game, go stand against those curtains and I’ll let you know if I can still see you!
6) Nicki Minaj in Tommy Hilfiger
What is wrong with her? I haven’t watched American Idol, but I hear she’s bat shit cray.
She legit could be a member of KISS.
7) Sarah Jessica Parker in a Giles gown and Philip Treacy headpiece
Seriously, SEX AND THE CITY IS OVAH.
This is why I am convinced she thinks she is ACTUALLY Carrie Bradshaw. Just stop!
8) Solange Knowles in Kenzo
I hate the hair and the dress is just fugly.
Channeling Foxxy Cleopatra.
9) Ashley Olsen in Vintage Dior
I had high hopes and she let me down. WHAT IS THAT?
Probs a REALLY expensive shmata.
10) Nicole Richie in Topshop
Oh, wait.
I really do miss the Simple Life Nicole. Remember how funny she was when she was on heroine?
I also have to say that Taylor Swift was very VERY close to making this list. I already am not a fan, but she compeletely ruined her look by throwing her hair in a high up half pony like I used to do in the 2nd grade.
And FINALLY this category:
MY NAME IS ___________________ AND I THINK I AM TOO GOOD TO HONOR ANY SORT OF THEME WHATSOEVER. ALSO, I AM NO FUN.
Anna Wintour – It’s my party and I’ll wear whatever I want to. DUH.
Gwyneth Paltrow DUH.
Katie Holmes DUH. (At least she went with Pacey. She got one thing right!)
Lindsey Vonn DUH.
Dylan Lauren, okay, so I guess she has a reason seeing as her last name is Lauren.
Kate Upton, not a DUH. I was surprised. I could seriously wear this to my sister’s graduation this weekend. BO-RING.
Want to know what I surprisingly didn’t hate? THIS.
MK in Vintage Chanel.
And just because…we are going to end with this…ABOVE ALL ELSE.
FML.
I realize that there are A listers who weren’t mentioned here, but THERE WERE A LOT OF DRESSES HAPPENIN’ LAST NIGHT.
So, let me know what your opinions are, I’d love to hear!
Til next year.
XX
Jac
BLOND HAIR DON'T CARE 